Use his teacher from the previous year to accelerate the trust between you. You realise that a few weeks may not have been enough time for you to build trust with Rees. He certainly shows you respect, but you wonder if he is still making his mind up about you. It can feel empty, meaningless. You decide to speak to his class teacher from last year, who tells you of similar rocky beginnings.
The two of you hatch a plan to triangulate praise; to pass it through her, with the idea that this will build a trust between you and Rees. This works well, although progress is slow.
Mrs Windle pops in at seemingly random moments, and she and Rees can be seen touring the playground together at breaktime after a particularly good morning of work. Your focus on Rees has also allowed you to examine his working pattern more closely. You are now much more aware of his negative behaviours and occasional confidence crashes. It is always worth remembering that some children may have had bad experiences with trusting adults too much, so they are wisely slow to open up.
But they need to trust before they can learn. You cannot take a tit-for-tat approach with young children. You may not know how to change the status quo, but giving up altogether, taking your lead from a nine-year-old and separating him from the rest is never going to improve the situation. We all need to trust before we can genuinely accept praise. Children are no different. Your sensitivity to this and to the needs of the individual will take you further and faster than any magic-dust solution.
Would your parents praise people to their faces, and then gossip about them after they left? As a more self-aware adult, how might you reframe those incidents to update your past experience, and thus, your current one? Do you tend to make jokes? Do you compliment them back? Do you explain why what you did was not that good? Much of my work involves slowing down these conditioned responses so that we can begin to let ourselves feel gratitude.
Just as any other behavior change, learning to take a compliment well starts with self-awareness — a process you started by reading this article. The more aware you become of your thought patterns and how they impact you, the more liberated you will feel in being able to transform them.
I hope you feel inspired to give it a try. You have 2 free article s left this month. You are reading your last free article for this month. Subscribe for unlimited access. Create an account to read 2 more. Managing yourself. Do Compliments Make You Cringe? Upgrade your relationship with praise. By Corina. You should keep in mind that not all people are frenemies, and as soon as you understand why some people hate receiving compliments, you will pay more attention to the way you react every time you receive a compliment.
Well, this is the perfect way to sabotage yourself. I used to hate receiving compliments because I hate being the center of attention. Let's say a co-worker says, "You're so smart. You always say just the right things in your reports. If you don't view yourself as a smart, competent person, hearing those words might send you into a tailspin.
You'll be left wondering whether you lack insight or the other person lacks judgment. Quite often, this is why people respond to compliments with a justification. Saying something like, "Well I just got lucky this time," might help relieve a little bit of the anxiety that gets stirred up when someone's description of you seems doesn't match the way you describe yourself.
Studies show that people with self-worth issues prefer to set the bar low. Then, if they meet their expectations, they're pleasantly surprised. A compliment that implies you're expected to excel will put you under a lot of pressure.
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